Phone privacy in an unsafe relationship: start here
If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number. If you are worried about a partner or someone else controlling or monitoring your phone, talk to a domestic abuse helpline before you change anything, ideally from a phone or computer the person cannot see. An app on a monitored phone may not be private. This page lists helplines, Apple's own safety guidance and honest limits. It is not a safety plan.
Who to contact first
- United States: the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233 (1.800.799.SAFE), with live chat on thehotline.org, or text START to 88788. In an emergency call 911. The hotline notes that internet use can be monitored and is impossible to erase completely, and offers a technology safety page.
- United Kingdom: the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge, freephone 0808 2000 247, open 24 hours a day. In an emergency call 999. The helpline's own page tells visitors worried about monitoring to visit from a safe device and points to Refuge's technology safety information.
- Elsewhere: search for your national domestic abuse or violence helpline from a device the other person cannot reach, or ask a trusted friend to find the number.
These services understand phones, tracking and control. They can help you decide what to change and when, and whether changing it is safe. Please start there.
Why phones are tricky in this situation
If a person has access to your phone, your Apple Account, your passcode or your cloud accounts, they may be able to see where you are, what you do and what you store. Some access is obvious, such as a known passcode. Some is quiet, such as a shared account or a location share you forgot. Spyware, in the worst cases, can see the screen. A sudden change, like a new passcode or a deleted app, can be noticed and can raise the risk. That is why a helpline and a plan come before any technical step.
Apple's own guidance
Apple publishes a Personal Safety User Guide for people worried about being tracked or controlled. It includes Safety Check, available on iPhone with iOS 16 or later in Settings > Privacy & Security > Safety Check. According to Apple:
- Safety Check has an Emergency Reset, which immediately resets sharing for all people and apps, and Manage Sharing & Access, which lets you review sharing person by person and app by app.
- It can also review devices connected to your Apple Account and help you change your passcode or Apple Account password. It needs an Apple Account that uses two-factor authentication.
- A Quick Exit button closes Settings and returns you to the Home Screen if you need to hide what you are doing.
- It cannot review or change everything: it does not cover non-Apple accounts and passwords, or social media sharing.
Ask a helpline about timing before you use it, because a sudden change in sharing can be noticed. Apple's guide also has a page on setting a unique device passcode.
Where a Vault might fit, and where it may not
Only consider this after you have spoken to a helpline, and only if you know the phone is not being watched.
What it does: items are encrypted behind a pattern or passphrase of its own, separate from your phone passcode. By default it locks as soon as you leave the app, shows a blank app switcher, and slows repeated guessing. It makes no network connections of its own, so nothing is uploaded or synced.
Where StrongRoom does not help
- A monitored phone. If the phone has spyware, is managed by someone else, or the person can see your screen, an app on it is not private. The app cannot detect this.
- It does not hide itself. The icon is on your Home Screen. If a person looks, they can see you have it. There is no disguise or hidden icon, on purpose. A new app on your phone can start a conversation you do not want.
- A person who knows every credential. If they know your passcode, your Apple Account details and could learn your pattern or passphrase, a Vault does not stop them.
- Pressure. An Empty Vault or a Decoy Vault does not satisfy someone who insists you open it. Do not treat a Duress Vault (Pro) as a safety plan. It erases other Vaults for good, silently, and could provoke the person. It is not designed for this.
- No copy off the phone. If the phone is lost, taken or wiped, the Vault is gone unless you made an Export Package and kept it somewhere safe, with your Recovery Phrase. Keeping those safe is a risk in itself if someone searches your things.
- No promise. We cannot promise anything about your safety.
Keeping records
If you need to keep evidence such as messages or photos, ask the helpline how and where. Where and how you store records can matter for safety and for any legal process. For general organising principles, see our page on records for disputes, which is not legal advice. Keeping records organised for a dispute
Frequently asked questions
How do I keep my phone private from an abusive partner?
Speak to a domestic abuse helpline first. Then consider the steps in Apple's Personal Safety User Guide, including Safety Check. Do not change settings in a way the person may notice without advice.
Can I hide an app on my iPhone from my partner?
StrongRoom does not hide itself or pretend to be another app, so the icon is visible. Ask a helpline before installing anything new on a phone someone else may check.
What if my phone is being monitored?
An app on a monitored phone is not private. Use a device the person cannot reach and contact a helpline.
Is the Duress Vault a safety tool?
No. It erases other Vaults permanently and may provoke someone. Do not use it as a safety plan.
Sources
- Personal Safety User Guide (Apple Support), checked on 2026-10-30.
- Safety Check for an iPhone with iOS 16 or later (Apple Support), checked on 2026-10-30.
- Set a unique device passcode or password (Apple Support), checked on 2026-10-30.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline, checked on 2026-10-30.
- National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge), checked on 2026-10-30.